I have invented something to deal with the rain that propels the grass of my yard to grow so quickly.
I do not mind mowing the grass for the most part, but what I do not like doing is having to mow the grass three times a week. I have a lot of yard to mow and a hard yard to mow. My invention will certainly ease the burden of frequent mowings when the April and May showers cause the grasses to grow so ferociously.
I call my invention “Branch’s Idea.” What I have done is that I have shallowly buried ten thousand sprinkler-like water lines throughout my yard. These are interconnected with a wood-burner boiler located on the hill above and behind my house.
Whenever it rains, the heating boiler will pressurize the water in the lines, which will emit a rain-deterring high pressure system over my yard. It will be the same in effect as a bumbershoot. In the meantime, several industrial fans located in trees along the borders of our property will be turned on to blow the rain caught in the high-pressure vortex over our yard into the adjoining road and nearby train track.
I theorize that this will slow down grass growth to one-millionth-of-an-inch every three weeks. If “Branch’s Idea” is successful, I should only have to mow my grass one-and-a-half times per season. The cost of such a project amounted to only $33.49, which is a reasonable cost in my estimation. But, it works, because that is what I envision for deterring rapid grass growth as things stand now.
Now, what is it that you think of my invention? Go ahead, tell me it will not work, and I will insist to you that it will, even though I as yet I have not collected any empirical evidence. Honestly, however, I would give my industrial inventiveness a 10 on anyone’s weird-o-meter or stupidity index.
But, leaving “Branch’s Idea,” let us consider the flip side of this type of far-fetched inventiveness to consider the veracity of “Bible Truth.” There is a considerable glut of contemporary religious inventiveness displayed by many people associated with the Church, much of which is rated the same on God’s weird-o-meter or stupidity index as He views the Church’s departure from His absolute truths.
It seems that there has to be people associated with the Church sitting around with absolutely nothing else to do other than attempting some sort of vain effort to alleviate the pressure of spiritual conviction.
One bothersome issue “progressively” being espoused by people of the Church has to do with the growth of governmental control of everything involving every aspect of people’s lives. People of the Church are actually involved with and supportive of inventing the plans that will eventually actualize a dominating, socialistic government base.
Instead of embracing what God’s Word says about it all, people associated with the Church theorize that governmental control of everything will work very well for everybody. Have you considered how that looks on God’s stupidity index for the Church to be supportive of that process? Do you not know for what is being asked?
Bible truth indicates that the ultimate goal of the progressive idea of ultimate governmental control is the coming establishment of one wicked individual over it all. This person is Biblically identified as the Anti-Christ. Bible truth indicates that his leadership supplemented by elitist leaders will have devastating effect on the financial markets and food supplies. Government will control what can or cannot be bought by people. People who will not be turned from God will be eliminated. People not correctly identified — 666 — will be eliminated.
Bible truth gives stark details for the people of the Church to consider while there is time to countermand the realities. But, improbable yet projected possibilities rule opinions of the present time, which indicates just how full of religious inventiveness we are these days.
God’s Word is not full of religious inventiveness. It rather gives spiritual guidance if we heed its absolute truths.
In the meantime, if you see me mowing grass before July 24, you will know that “Branch’s Idea” does not work.
The Rev. Ron Branch is pastor of Faith Baptist Church in Mason, W.Va.